The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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