Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
