I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
