What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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