Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
