I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
