i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
