She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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