They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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