I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
