she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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