Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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