Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
