dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
