meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
