dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
