well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
