a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
