nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
