is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
