two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
