I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
