Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
