Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
