i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
