everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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