Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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