why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
