my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
