I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize