No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
