so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
