Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
