Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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