During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
