i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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