the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
