woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i believe in u and ur pee
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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