I wish I could teleport
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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