i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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