Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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