i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
