hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think my fart just growled at me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you inspire me to be a worse person
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
