She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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