There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
