I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize