I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
