Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
