you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
