come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
