At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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