She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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