it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
