my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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