Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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