My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
