final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
