We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
