I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
