my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize