Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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