Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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