Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
