grandma shit on top of the toilet
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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