He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
