Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
