im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
