you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize