I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
