shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
