I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
