i wish there were pregnant emoticons
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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