From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize