I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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