I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
