He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
