Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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