Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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