A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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