how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
