then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
