I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize