i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
