If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
