its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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