I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
