you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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