WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
