I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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