Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
