I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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