Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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