Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize