i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize