made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
