Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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