you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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