The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
