if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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