I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
