She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just googled if crying burns calories
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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