Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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