No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
