Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
