i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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